Losing Myself
I’m tired of people places and things.
There are moments in which I take a serious pause with a jolting stop with the hydraulic actions-Iike a car with switches. Y’all don’t know nothing about that bounce! Ha! Did I tell you that in the 10th and 11th grade my crew wore the blue… and that wasn’t Dallas blue. Well I was more of a friend of the crew or more like a girlfriend of one of the crew. Even then I had much love for being in a community. Quite frankly a lot of my identity came from being “in community”. Whether that being in a social club, sorority, crew, life group aka cliques it’s all the same. But one thing at this seasoned salt age, I’ve really that I’m really tired of people,places and things that require me to lose myself in the process.
I’ve always felt the pressure to fit in. There’s always been a gap between what I want to be and what I think the world thinks I should be which turned me into a social chameleon.
I tried to be the person I felt I should be so I’d blend in with those around me, whether that meant spending a Friday night at the club or attending a corporate meeting at the head office it all required dedication.
So without even realizing it I would change myself, my desires, and sometimes even my opinions to fit into whatever mold was required at the time. But if you’re constantly trying to prove your worth to people, it may be true that you’ve already forgotten your value and that’s where I am today!
There was always a difference between what I wanted and what I thought I should want—my opinion and the norm of society somehow differed—and I’d always assumed I must be the one off beam.
This leads to a life of sacrificing ourselves to please others, living their dreams at the expense of our own.
Reflection Questions
- Are you losing yourself—in work and busyness, addiction to success, pleasing others, trying to be or appear perfect, accepting your cultural programming, following default options, or a relationship?
- What will you do, starting today, to bring more of yourself back into your life—to be unapologetically YOU?