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Kara Barker

Soft Girl Era. 🌸

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How Do You Embrace the Softer Side of YOU?

I have been curious about those calm personality people and have always wanted to know the secret behind remaining calm in stressful or unexpected situations. I want to become one of those people, and at the moment, I’m quite the opposite of it. While I love my loud and crazy side, I think my soft side needs some nurturing to bloom into my personality. So, the question is, “How did I get into my soft girl era?”

These are some things I did to welcome the “other” side of me:

  • Created a calmer/chill vibes playlist
  • Started dressing more feminine
  • Stopped arguing with people
  • When a friend canceled a plan, I just went solo
  • Stopped overthinking things
  • Became more mindful of my presence in the moment
  • Started speaking in a much softer tone
  • Focused on listening than speaking

These are just a few things I did to explore my softer side. In my experience, I loved it. I found myself very relaxed and just dealt with things as they made their appearance. I was no more overthinking and over-rationalizing a situation. I started manifesting my dreams and focussing on making them come true in real life.

It almost felt like I was reminded of why men and women are created so differently. We are true queens and don’t need someone to remind us. The feeling of being a queen starts within ourselves, and when we feel like a queen, people treat us like one.

The most significant change was going with the flow and not trying to force things. If things don’t work out as planned, no worries, take the other route. It was probably for the best. You may not know it at the moment, but it plays out well for us most of the time.

That was my experience. I’m curious if you tried it and had a different experience.

Until next time, Peace🌸

, La

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I’m with HER. 🇺🇸

Kamala Harris is not just the right choice, she is the only choice for President of the United States. She is a fierce and determined leader who has dedicated her entire career to fighting for justice and equality for all Americans. As the first woman of color to be nominated for Vice President on a major party ticket, Kamala represents a groundbreaking moment in our nation’s history and a powerful symbol of hope for marginalized communities everywhere.

With her background as a prosecutor, Attorney General of California, and United States Senator, Kamala has the experience and expertise needed to tackle the complex issues facing our country today. From criminal justice reform to healthcare to climate change, she has consistently stood up to powerful interests and fought for the rights of those who have been overlooked or oppressed.

Kamala’s policy proposals are bold and progressive, reflecting her unwavering commitment to creating a more just and equitable society. She supports Medicare for All, criminal justice reform, and comprehensive immigration reform. In response to the COVID-19 pandemic, she has put forward a plan to provide much-needed relief to families, small businesses, and communities struggling to survive in these challenging times.

Unlike her opponent, Kamala is a unifier who seeks to bridge the divides that have torn our country apart. She is known for her ability to build consensus and work across party lines to find solutions that benefit all Americans. Her leadership style is inclusive and collaborative, making her the perfect candidate to lead our nation towards a brighter and more united future.

Kamala Harris embodies the values of empathy, compassion, and integrity that we so desperately need in a leader. She is a trailblazer who will inspire generations of women and people of color to dream big and fight for a better world. I am proud to stand with Kamala and support her in her historic journey to the presidency. She is not just the right choice, but the only choice for a future where all Americans can thrive and succeed together!

Lazy Career Feedback!

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BEWARE of feedback like this!☠️

  • You need to be more ‘strategic’
  • Show me you’re ‘innovative’
  • I want to see more ‘leadership’
  • You need better ‘executive presence’

All of this may be true, but as feedback it’s useless.

Executive presence is 100% learnable

If you know me, you know I can’t stand feedback like, ‘You need better executive presence”.

It’s vague.

It’s lazy.

And it doesn’t provide you with actionable steps to getting better.

So many women I’ve spoken with have received this feedback when being told why they aren’t in senior leadership yet.

And honestly, it’s total BS.

That’s the bad news. But here’s the good news.

I have cracked the code on executive presence. And it’s totally learnable stuff.

It’s NOT some special superpower that you either have or don’t have.

And it’s absolutely something you can develop.

In order to be effective, feedback needs to be specific and actionable.

I would have no idea what action to take from the feedback above. I’ve been there, and it’s beyond frustrating when on the receiving end.

The truth is that many leaders don’t know how to give you actionable steps to project better leadership or to showcase that you’re strategic or innovative

So what can you do?

If you’re a leader, put the effort into creating specific and actionable outcomes that you want to see.

And if you’re receiving feedback like this, ask for some specific examples of how you can demonstrate these qualities.

Find out exactly what your boss would want to see from you in order to say, “She’s innovative” or “She’s a leader”.

Then, in your future meetings, bring examples of how you’re demonstrating these behaviors, and confirm that it’s what they want to see.

And if your boss can’t give you these specific examples, consider looking outside your organization for help.

Remember, it’s your career. You have the most to gain by investing in your own development. ✌️💜

Last Time That I Checc’d

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Last Time That I Checc’d.

I have been told in so many ways that if I’m not an executive by 50 it’s not going to happen. Well maybe that’s true in this realm, current employment situation or even market but in my best Nipsey Hussle voice, “last time that I checc’d” there were no “best if used by” dates in GOD’s plan.

GOD’s promises are HIS promises. PERIODT.

For those feeling that you’re too old and have missed it, I want to remind you that age is never a hindrance to fulfilling the purposes of God. While you still have breath in your lungs and a pulse, God has a plan and purpose for your life.

There is no such thing as being too old to fulfill the purpose for which you were created – just ask Sarah, Caleb or Elizabeth.

No, you and I might not have the access nor privileges like some but the GOD I know specializes in using highly unlikely people to fulfill his purposes – the kind of people others overlook, discard, dismiss or ignore – because it brings Him great glory.
(Go run and tell that!)

Today is a reminder for anyone who’s on a “climb or “grind” you’re not done, it’s not over. Your latter days can be more fruitful than your former.

Keep pressing, keep reaching, keep going. Jesus is worthy of every last ounce of energy expended for HIS Glory on this earth.

As for me, “last time that I checc’d” I’ve only tapped into about 23% of my potential.

Losing Myself

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I’m tired of people places and things. 

There are moments in which I take a serious pause with a jolting stop with the hydraulic actions-Iike a car with switches. Y’all don’t know nothing about that bounce! Ha! Did I tell you that in the 10th and 11th grade my crew wore the blue… and that wasn’t Dallas blue. Well I was more of a friend of the crew or more like a girlfriend of one of the crew. Even then I had much love for being in a community. Quite frankly a lot of my identity came from being “in community”. Whether that being in a social club, sorority, crew, life group aka cliques it’s all the same. But one thing at this seasoned salt age, I’ve really that I’m really tired of people,places and things that require me to lose myself in the process. 

I’ve always felt the pressure to fit in. There’s always been a gap between what I want to be and what I think the world thinks I should be which turned me into a social chameleon. 

I tried to be the person I felt I should be so I’d blend in with those around me, whether that meant spending a Friday night at the club or attending a corporate meeting at the head office it all required dedication. 

So without even realizing it I would change myself, my desires, and sometimes even my opinions to fit into whatever mold was required at the time. But if you’re constantly trying to prove your worth to people, it may be true that you’ve already forgotten your value and that’s where I am today! 

There was always a difference between what I wanted and what I thought I should want—my opinion and the norm of society somehow differed—and I’d always assumed I must be the one off beam.

This leads to a life of sacrificing ourselves to please others, living their dreams at the expense of our own.

Reflection Questions

  1. Are you losing yourself—in work and busyness, addiction to success, pleasing others, trying to be or appear perfect, accepting your cultural programming, following default options, or a relationship?
  2. What will you do, starting today, to bring more of yourself back into your life—to be unapologetically YOU?

Hey MaximizHer! Rise Up!

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The world offers you many solutions to your fear. Anxiety medication, relaxation techniques, psychotherapy exercises or even escapism through alcohol or drugs.

But here’s what God offers you:

Him.

God offers you the peace of His love, the steadiness of His protection, the rock solid foundation of His promise.

And His promise is that if you step into the legend He created you to be, you WILL succeed.

It doesn’t matter what other people say.  There IS greatness in you. God designed you to reach your full potential, to be powerful beyond measure, to have success and joy and abundance in your life.

Don’t let fear make you quit.  Don’t let the terror of what “could” happen affect how you take the next step forward.

As a daughter of Christ you’ve been given the incredible gift of God’s peace. This means you don’t have to let the fear trouble your heart, you don’t have to let the unknown shake your fight.

You can leave it in God’s hands because He knows exactly what He’s doing.  Believe me, sister of Christ, you can do everything God designed you to do.

He knows exactly what He’s doing.

So stop quitting. Stop giving up. Fight your way through the fear. Fight your way through the hardship. Fight yourself through the struggle.

Trust in God’s peace, trust in God’s strength, trust that you are BIGGER than any fear trying to get in your way.

You are BIGGER than any fear standing in your way.

You CAN do this.  It’s your season to rise!

Affirm Yourself Sis!

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Affirmations are a self-help strategy used to promote self-confidence and belief in your own abilities. 

You’ve probably affirmed yourself without even realizing it by telling yourself things like:

  • “All I can do is my best.”
  • “I’ve got what it takes.”
  • “I believe in my ability to succeed.” 

These simple statements help shift your focus away from perceived failures or inadequacies and direct your focus toward your strengths — those you already have and those you

want to develop. 

But do they actually work? Kind of. 

Affirmations generally work as a tool for shifting your mindset and achieving your goals, but they’re not a magic bullet for instant success or healing.

For example, you might replace a negative or anxious thought, like:

  • “I’m so terrible at interviews. I’m probably not even as qualified as the other candidates. There’s no way they’ll hire me, I should just leave.” 

With a positive affirmation:

  • “I have all the necessary skills and experience, and I’m the perfect candidate for this job.”

Using affirmations may help you feel more relaxed before your interview, and knowing you’re fully prepared can also help you avoid self-sabotaging thoughts or behaviorspotentially interfering with your success.

Remember, action is key

Repeating an affirmation can help boost your motivation and confidence, but you still have to take some action yourself. Try thinking of affirmations as a step toward change, not the change itself. 

Consider that nosy co-worker who always asks questions about your personal life. You don’t want to say anything to offend, but you also have no intention of answering their questions.

An affirmation like “I can remain calm even when I feel annoyed” might guide you to a habit of deep breathing or grounding exercises when you start to feel your blood boil. 

These tactics, combined with your affirmations, help you get through the stressful moment until you can politely make an escape. 

The affirmation didn’t make the change, you did. But it did offer a starting point. 

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Stay Calm & Carry On

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Keeping calm during stressful times is sometimes easier said than done. The constant thought of whatever it is that is stressing us out continues to linger in the back of our minds, and we just can’t seem to shake it.

Keeping calm during these stressful situations can be a task within itself, but it’s not impossible! So how do you manage to keep your cool and not blow your top during your most stressful times? Here are 4 ways to remain calm during stressful situations. Keep reading to find out how!

How to Remain Calm During Stressful Times

Be Grateful

Gratitude is key. Whenever you begin to feel stressed and down and out, remember what you’re grateful for. When you feel and express a sense of gratitude, you’re allowing your mood to shift from negativity to positivity. Overall, this increases your well-being and may even help you to forget whatever it is you were stressed about in the first place. By beginning each day with a grateful and calm spirit, it will make it even easier to remain calm and reduce your stress level.

Keep a Positive Perspective

Along with being grateful is practicing positivity. When stress occurs, it may allow your mind to shift your perspective to an extremely negative outlook. If you begin to feel your mind shifting from positive to negative, stop yourself the moment it happens, and let go of your negative thoughts as you refocus your mind on all things positive. Positive thoughts tend to distract your mind from the stressful situations that may be occurring around you and will keep your mind in check.

Slow Down

Slow down before deciding to act on whatever it is that’s stressing you. Allow patience to take over and collect your thoughts and emotions before responding or acting on the situation. Even if you have to have a small pep talk with yourself before deciding on how to handle the situation, then do whatever it takes to make sure you don’t act on impulse, but that you allow yourself to collect your thoughts before saying or doing anything you may regret later. This will allow you to remove all emotions and enhance your ability to make decisions.

Disconnect

When all else fails and you want to remain calm in stressful situations, pull away from the situation. The time that you’re away will give you time to process what took place, and how you want to approach it with a clear and fresh perspective. The less emotionally attached you are, the clearer your mind will be as your first goal is to always remain calm.

These four tips presented on remaining calm during stressful times is so important right now, especially with the current climate of our world.

If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and stressed out, make sure you follow these 4 ways to remain calm and let us know in the comments below, other tactics you enact to make sure you keep calm and carry on!

kara_barker_Shine Sis_Shine_On

Shine Sis, Shine On!

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There are many times when I forget who I am and continue to compare myself against the world’s expectations and standards. And in those doubting moments, the inner sabotager yes we all know her, becomes bold and boisterous. However, as Christians we were created to be the “salt and light” of the world and it’s up to you and I to not allow those haters and naysayers to extinguish our confidence nor self-worth. When you dim your shine you’re not only playing small but in essence you’re placing a ceiling or limitation on your purpose. Within you is greatness and your greatness are the gifts you have that people absolutely love about you, yes there are many of them too! Your greatness is your most authentic and real version of you when no one else is looking. Inside of you God placed seeds of greatness. And those seeds just need a little sunshine and water to sprout. So at the end of the day I need you to be great and shine because the whole world needs a little shimmer and a little glimmer of the Holy Spirit that is deep down within you. So Sis, it’s time to shine!

Matthew 5:16 ESV In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Ephesians 5:14 For anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Daily Prayer: Lord, I pray for courage to walk in the plans that you have for me. I pray that you will keep me close as I step out in faith and do your will for my life. I admit I am afraid, but I will not let fear rob me from the blessings that will dim my shine. Heavenly Father, help me remain bold and confident in Jesus’ Name, Amen.